Ever since March 20, I have been down. What I thought it was going to work out, didn't work out. It was hard for me to accept because I thought everything was going okay. What I had planned ahead, went down in a second. I cried a lot, and thought about the reason why it failed. But again, sometimes things just happen without a reason. Sometimes things are already planned that way.
I was homebound this past week and hardly saw anybody. I stayed home. I didn't get excited about anything. I just felt insecure about failing. I felt like a failure as a woman, and also as a human being. I was miserable but decided to feel that way until it gets out of my system until I can start feeling positive again.
It was not enjoyable to start drinking caffeine, eat whatever food, paint my nails, having all this freedom to do the things I was prohibited to do until just a few days ago. Adjusting back to normal was actually not all that much fun. It made me sad. Sad to face the facts.
I felt bad for everyone. I felt bad for Pepe too, for not making my plan a success. All kinds of feelings, emotion was running through my head. I didn't want to meet anyone. I just stayed home and watched TV.
I noticed that this past week Rex was being really good to me. He stayed by my side a lot like Pepe used to, and he was much calmer than usual. I felt like he knew what I was going through or my pain. As if Pepe was making sure that mama is okay, and telling Rex to do his job. He licked my tears alright. and it was nice to have Rex by my side, seriously. He didn't say nothing, but just there. Thats the kind of friend I need sometimes. Not say a word.
Rex and I went to healing pool together after I found out the news. It felt good to be not alone., and to have Rex with me. This is the kind of feeling I had before too, that I didn't need a friend but all I needed was Pepe. It felt like that with Rex when we were hanging out together, He was turning into my best friend.
I think Rex is really growing up. He is starting to be able to understand how others feel and he is reacting to it. He is doing Pepe' s job now. He was too young to do any of that before. He had a lot of growing up to do this last year. Now that he is one year old, and have gone through so much in his first year, (he is a teenager now) I think he is starting to become this kind caring loyal dog that I always wanted and needed in replacement of Pepe.
This is how we bond, through overcoming so many ups and downs together. I am glad that Rex is in our lives. I hope we can grow together, and be a happy family always.