Rex is getting better after we stopped giving him chew at night. Rawhide was giving him diarrhea. Okay, so looks like his surgery will be next week wednesday right before his birthday. He will be recovering so poor thing, his 1st birthday will be about healing.
Well, two black kids hit my car today from the side. It almost seemed like it was on purpose. They were coming in from Mccully trying to make a right turn I guess, and I was in the middle lane for Kapiolani and they hit me from right side trying to make a wide turn, perhaps. IT was raining and maybe they couldn't see I was there, my alarm started beeping and I heard this noise that a car hit me, I looked behind in my back mirror. these kids were giggling and making a quick u-turn and took off.
I was furious and wanted to chase them but there was no way. IT was pouring rain too. I was so so mad. This is what I get for helping my fiance today and leaving home so his friend can park in my spot or something. But I didn't have to. He could have found parking somewhere instead and that was MY spot. Why did I have to sacrifice my own parking spot so his friend can use my spot to help him? And I get this shit. It is just ridiculous. I was so mad at these stupid fucking drivers but also to my fiance for prioritizing situation or his friend before me for his shit he wanted to do to his car. I am fed up of going out of my way to help people and getting the short end of the stick. Now I am pretty sure I will be paying at least $500 deductible. On top of everything else that I have to deal with, now this crap? bullshit!!!!!!
I was mad but don't know if Rex sensed anything. Pepe used to get scared and felt for me and show empathy for me in situation like this, but I am not sure about REx. maybe he is too little to know how I feel. Either way, worst day ever, in a long time. Biggest fucking dent and scratch on my almost brand new car. WHY ME???? WHY am I only trying to be cooperative to others and I get this shit? Maybe something is telling me again that I need to stand up for myself again. Demand your shit, be vocal of your own needs and your own rights. I am tired of bullshit period. Life is not fair... I wish those stupid kids will learn a lesson or two somehow. And I want to also stop my cycle of thinking behavior when something shiity happens to me, I tend to think maybe this is something that my ex is planning or something he told somebody to do to attack me. Maybe it is time for me to leave Hawaii really. Maybe I am sick and tired of Hawaii and people here. It i snot as bad as before but when shit happens, I always think back to the time when my ex screwed me over. And I get so furious and wish him horrible things.
I tried to adjust, and it has been okay but this island is small. maybe whatever that I do, I always relate to places with people, and situation, maybe i should forget it, let go and move on already. Hawaii is going to be always here, I know what to do here, where to go for certain things, and I got everything under control. But the thing is , I get so mad thinking about certain situation. I want to stop blaming or going back to my ex for screwing me and my life. but maybe i don't move away, that feeling will always follow me around.
Las vegas is probably easy place for me to get adjusted because it is so much like Hawaii ..just bigger waikiki, where as in LA, everything is spread apart. maybe it will feel good to not know anyone. especially Japanese. Once my IVF is over, maybe I should just leave right away. It might make me feel better because I will be free of everything that happened in the past. I can start over. I am 46 and thought it will be hard to start over again, but I wanted to start over when my 2nd divorce happened anyway, but I didn't have guts. Now I have a partner to try to start over together, and a new dog. Pepe was his dog, and it would have reminded me of so much shit that happened to me anyway. Pepe was letting me go, so I will be free, free of all the shitty memory. He helped me heal, but that is because he was a nice dog. He knew that I needed to start over, but waiting for the right moment. He thought Clay will be a good support for me and he thought it was okay for him to leave his body. My car (scion) had so much memory to do with Pepe and my time with Pepe. It was hard letting go, because a lot of was sadness. Now I have a new car but this car attracts bad luck!!! as if , my ex is jealous of the situation and cursing me.
I don't want to think that is the case, but when shit happens. I always blame my ex first. And I am tired of thinking like that. Okay, it was raining, these stupid kids, just bad luck. Bad day to do shit. I wanted to stay home and not get my car all rained on, but since fiance was doing something to his car, whatever his plan was ... I had to help. and this was the result of my out of my way kindness. I need to relax and move on, I called insurance and put it on file but this is Saturday so more than likely I won't hear from anyone for a while. I was going to pick up my friend's daughter next week in my nice car but my nice car has this biggest scratch of my life.
This is the day everybody is furious. Women's march. Trump becoming the new president and the world is confused and all thrown out of their comfort zone. You don't know what's up. it' s like everything is in chaos.
Rex is trying to not get involved. Where as with Pepe, he would have tried to get super involved and help. That is just his personality. I don't even know why I am trying to mix my roller coaster shitty day with my dog. I just don't know where to take my anger. It's those guys who hit me who should take responsibility. It is not my fiance that caused this shitty hit and run. It is not my ex (probably) that those stupid black guys hit me in their junk white car. Rex has nothing to do with this and he can just relax like he is right now without worrying a thing in the world. Nobody has to know this because I don't want my friends and family to worry. But I am the one who has to pay at least $500 for a complete fucking stranger's mess. I worked so hard this new year so I can have a little more money for IVF or extra insurance I joined, to have a baby. or for anything for that matter, I need money. Money doesn't come falling from the sky for me. I have to work hard. I always worry about money. There has never been a time where I didn't have to worry about money in my life. I did things I wanted to do all my life with my dad's support but a lot of times dad didn't support me with everything I wanted to do, and that was a lot, so I had to work my ass off to make that money for me. Any extra money that ihave to pay pisses me off. or anyone who tries to screw me over with financial situation just totally PISS ME OFF TO NO END.
I am just trying to make sense of today's shitty experience... maybe some serious bad and angry energy in the air today after worldwide women's march. It's wrong for me to accuse "black" guys because those kids could have been any race and still would have done the same shit. Rain and wind. Just a bad day. Maybe I should stop watching CNN and FOX so I won't feel so upset. People in Hawaii can get really stupid and silly sometimes. and maybe I am sick of that. I didn't want to run away when I was really dreading Hawaii. For that obvious reason, I did not want to appear like I ran away. This is not his fucking stupid land, or turf.
But the thing is, I have to admit that there will always be that feeling of pilikia with my ex, and people who associate with that whole thing. If I could start all over, maybe I will be stress free, and never ever have to feel "bad" or awkward for that time in my life. Hawaii has some of the worst drivers in the world as well.
Anyways... I guess my lesson today is to 1. when shit happens, stop and focus, do what's right and do it right away. 2. MOVE ON 3, If you really think this is something that happened because you were trying to be nice to offer your own space to other people, DONT DO THAT SHIT ANY MORE. DONT BE A DOORMAT ANY MORE. STAND UP FOR YOUR OWN SHIT EVEN IF IT MEAND BECOMING A BITCH OR BEING CALLED BITCH. YOURE ONLY STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF.
Okay, done with my speech.