Pepe took his last breath around 5:30am in the morning. I still remember receiving a call in the early morning on January 12th, 2016. Dr Fujitani said "I have bad news for you, Sachi. Pepe passed away" . I couldn't believe it. I didn't think he was a "dying" material. I thought he was immortal. He was meant to be in my life forever and ever and I could not believe what was happening to me.
That was 1 year ago. Time sure flies. ...
I took a walk to Ala Moana Park with Rex and brought white roses. I was going to buy more colorful flowers for Pepe since he brought so much colors to my life, but when I went to buy flowers, this white roses seemed like it fit the occasion better. This flower also had the name called "Innocence" and he was the symbol of innocence.
I sat there for a while with Rex and he was licking my face even though tears didn't roll down my face so much. I was just speaking to him as I stared at the diamond head. And I just prayed. Fiance couldn't make it because he was super sick with cold. It was really bad so I don't blame him. but maybe he fell sick so he didn't have to feel nothing. He is not very good with "feelings" so maybe it was better this way and Pepe chose him to be sick to handle his death this way.
I kept thinking about how I bumped into that couple with a dying dog, exactly around the same time same day 1 year later as I took Pepe in to stay in the hospital. It WAS time to say good bye.
I kept telling him that I will come back tomorrow morning to check on you so hang in there ...love you... and he just looked soooooo sad.... I didn't get to say proper good bye to him. But again, maybe he didn't want to say good bye. he didn't want me to say good bye. He knew that I couldn't handle it. Maybe that was his last kindness on his part.
He still lives through Rex and I feel his presence all over me. I honestly don't feel like he has left me and feel like he is still alive somewhere, and that I feel like I can see him again. I also feel like he is always watching me from above, but I just wish I could see him again and hold him in my arms again.
He was too cute and too perfect. I scolded Rex last night because I was feeling irritated after I dropped my phone and broke it, and he bit my arms pretty hard. There are moments with Rex when I feel like I wish he would be perfect like Pepe, but it ain't happening. I guess Rex is this way for a reason too.
You are more than welcome to come in my dream, Pepe. We could kiss in my dream again. I just miss you so much. I love you forever and ever.
