I took a walk to a good old Ala Moana Park with Rex. Yesterday I didn't go so Rex was really hyper at night. He already knows the route and he leads me the way. It was a beautiful sunset today. My dad just got diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dr is going to determine the stage in about a few weeks. I just hope and pray it hasn't spread to other parts of his body. I feel helpless. He is the best dad in the whole world who would do anything for me. To think that I will be losing him one day is just devastating. I have been crying pretty much all day on and off since yesterday. My dad was saying the same thing that there is no God. Why would God do this to us? I just lost Pepe and you can't take him again. I am not ready for that.
Nobody is ever ready for that kind of thing. I can really only pray. Pepe showed me how quickly this happens. So I am really scared. He is emailing me and talking to me but I don't know when that is going to stop and when that will be the last exchange of words. My parents were the only people who 100% truly came through for me during my rock bottom days. If it wasn't for them and their support and love, I was considering of giving up. My ex screwed me over so bad and I think to myself if there is God, then why wouldn't you punish somebody like that? Life is NOT fair.
But when I took a walk and saw this beautiful sunset, I thought that this will be fine. This is just another journey we just have to take. And we will make it through somehow. I have to do what's best for my dad and my mom. I was going to go to Japan when dr tells them about the treatment plan based on the exam result. But they want me to wait til the actual treatment begins. I guess when he is in the hospital (if he has to) my mom will be very alone. So it will be better if I am there for her like that. I just want to help as much as I can. I made them worry so much. I still make them worry. But I want to be able to help and support them the best I can, even though I am far away.
Maybe Rex knows how I have been feeling. He is still a little puppy, but has Pepe quality. He knows he needs to spread love to those who need it. He is calm and sweet boy when it's only me, but goes crazy when daddy gets home since yesterday. So, maybe he knows that I am going through some shit.
During the day he sleep a lot and right now it's bed time and he is usually crazy hyper, but he is okay. he seems to be enjoying his walk at Ala moana Park. I enjoy it too and it's a good exercise. It helps me be in tune with myself and feel like I am together with Pepe there. It's a very heart warming spot for me there. I dreamed of fast doggie walk like that with Pepe but he was always a slow walker, so walking Rex is pretty interesting thanks to all his puppy energy.
I am not sure if I can count on Rex for my emotional support. Probably not much. But having him in our lives gives me something to live for. So I guess that's good. I hope my dad recovers and maybe come to Hawaii one day and meet Rex. Stay strong, dad. Mom hang in there. Rex, help me stay sane.
