April 12th makes 3 month since Pepe's been gone. I feel like it's been longer for some reason. Pepe taught me a lot about death. I actually have never lost someone so close to me in my life yet. I lost my grandparents but the impact is probably not as strong as your own parents. My parents are both still around. I'd be totally devastated if something happens to them, but I can kind of expect what that would be like after dealing with the loss of Pepe.
We all know that we will die one day. No one single person or a dog...any living creature in this world will die one day. No exception. It's just a matter of when and what situation. I was not ready for Pepe to die. So I didn't know what to do. I thought he would stick around at least a few more years. I went into a total shock and when the vet called me, I froze. My emotion froze. My mind went bonkers and couldn't accept that as a fact. Because when she called me, Pepe wasn't here with me so I just couldn't believe it and didn't even cry. My tears didn't come out. It was after I saw his dead body that the whole death thing kicked in.
When people or animals die, it happens so fast in just a fracture of time. You are never ready for anyone you love to die, and to leave you. But they are not leaving you. Their soul remains with you. Their physical body is no longer in use but they are just moving on and watching over us.
I think Pepe taught me to accept death as just another fact of life. It just happens. And of course we miss those that leave us so much and will never get over them or forget them, their memory remain. So I am no longer afraid.
Death sucks of course and I am one of those people who have to have everything perfect like discussing with all my loved ones what would happen after I die and plan out everything beforehand. My dad is the same way. But I realize all that is not necessary as long as you keep showing them love everyday. That's what's most important. We need to love and appreciate one another on a daily basis and not have hate toward each other.
Pepe has not left any message for me since he obviously didn't talk, but he left me a whole lot of message to me that I could understand without understanding his dog language. I think we get these messages because he becomes this spiritual being instantly and we just know.
I look at Rex and think he will die one day too. But I think Pepe taught me not to be afraid of death. We just have to take each day as a blessing and love one another so there is no regret. You have to show your loved ones how much you care and love them while you can. Because you never know when it's going to be the last day spending together.
I still wish I could hold Pepe in my arms today. I miss his physical body. But his spirit is still here with me. I miss him so much and this feeling will never go away, and I think it's perfectly okay. Death occurs so instantly. You just have to be strong, because you never know when that moment comes. You have to pour love everyday to people who matter to you, so there's absolutely no regret.
That's one thing I did good at, because I don't regret anything when it comes to Pepe. (Well, there is one about checking him into emergency vet but that's that...) I can honestly say that I loved him with all my heart everyday, making sure he knew that he was loved by me. So let's live with no regrets by giving more love everyday!