Soon it will be 2 months since Pepe passed away. My boyfriend doesn't speak of Pepe much any more and I miss talking about him. My friends don't bring up about Pepe so much either. I am not sure if its intentional, but I find it more awkward not to talk about him. People who obviously know about Pepe's death from facebook or whatever don't even mention it to me sometimes. Maybe they don't know what to say and that's okay. But I'd rather talk abou him. My mom brings up about him sometimes. My dad tells me to forget about him and move on. I am moving on, but my heart is so empty without him.
He was such a huge part of my life. A huge part of my relationship with my boyfriend also. I think Pepe really contributed to help our relationship grow. He taught us how to love unconditionally and I discovered a lot about my boyfriend's nurturing side from taking care of Pepe. When he doesn't bring up about him so much and all crazy about his new car, I wonder if he's forgotten about Pepe, or if he doeesn't miss him any more. I am sure he does but everybody is different in their mourning process I guess.
Luckily I have been busy recently, especially since I came back from Japan. It's like I don't want to busy but something keeps me busy. But the only thing that sucks is that it seems like I can't get over the exhaustion. Sure I went to Japan and Vegas and should be tired from just traveling alone. But I just think before I used to able to be clear headed a lot easier. When I have a very stressful or tired day, I always come home to Pepe. When life sucked, I had Pepe. But right now, no matter what sucks in my life, I don't have him, and that is starting to be a huge problem.
I can't change the fact that he's gone. He had his time and it was just time to go, I guess. I appreciate the 8-9 years I had with him together in my life. I just think that my life is not complete without a dog. It will obviously be best with Pepe but I need puppy in my life to mess around with and to care for. I am such a nurturing spirit (brought on from my mom's DNA) that I just want to be with something that needs my help. Oh yeah, then I should have had many babies then, Yeah, but it just didn't work out that way in my rollercoaster life. But hopefully one baby somehow.
Even if I am blessed with a human baby, I think I still need a dog. Life with a dog is amazing. I miss every little thing that a dog does. I am so glad my first official dog was Pepe. I was afraid of dogs before but because of him I have come to love dogs. He helped so many people get over the fear of dogs and actually got them to buy a dog. He was just the best dog ever.
I miss you Pepe. Miss you so much. Mama don't know what to do without you. Life goes on without you but it's not the same without you here. I lost my best friend who understood me and shared everything with me. Hopefully you will protect me from bad things to happen to me because I don't know what to do any more without you when bad things happen to me, so please don't let that happen. I miss you and I need a dog like you again. Can you help me find him/her?