I miss this buggah so much. It has not even been 2 months yet. Of course I miss him. I am usually okay while I am busy doing something. I kept myself busy traveling to Japan, taking care of my frind visiting me from LA, and then traveling to Vegas..and work kept me busy for a few days and it is good because I focus on other things. But when I get that moment to wind down, I think of Pepe. I think of what's missing from my life. When I usually wind down and relax, Pepe was always there for me. I was watching this TV show called Married at first sight and this african american newlywed couple has this cute little dog that reminds me of Pepe so much. He or she is so happy to be by their side and just loving life like Pepe did. This new husband got her this doggie collar band and this tiny dog gets really excited and sniffing the item... and that totally made me cry because that's something Pepe would do. He used to get really excited about small things in life, jumped for joy and really showed his happiness. I just miss being with him. and again, I come to a sense of feeling like I can't believe he is gone. It just seems like he went on a long vacation and that he will evetually come back.
So I am pretty afraid of having nothing to do. Because then I think a lot. I don't want to think so much right now. I just want to keep myself busy and get on with my life. I don't want to numb my feelings because feelings are to be felt, and dealt with, but it's just easier that way right now. I enjoy going to clubs with my friend because while I am dancing, I just forget everything and it's just all fun and games. I don't have to think about what's missing from my life. I don't want to drink too much though but when shit hits the fan, I need to drink. Kind of like when I got divorced, I used to drink a lot. I shouldn't drink but alcohol helps me forget and stay numb and happy. Occasional drinking should be okay but not too much. But that's how deep my scar is for losing Pepe. Sometimes I just can't handle the truth of him being gone.
I need to keep getting distracted from thinking of Pepe. I will never forget Pepe and this sadness of losing him will never go away. Right now, I feel like i need a lot of distraction to just move forward with my life.