Friday night I am alone at home. I miss Pepe like crazy. I have this crazy urge to hold Pepe in my arms. He was such a soft cuddly dog. I want to kiss him on his little lips, squeeze him tight and rub his warm tummy.
So...I am just going to post some random pictures of Pepe.
This one was at my friend's pool. Kids were splashing water and he got wet and he hates water. So he was like...let me go home already. Poor thing.
This was a typical sight of Pepe. He used to sleep on his blanket a lot. So I carry this blanket everywhere and I sleep with it now. I will not wash it for a while.
This was at my old condo. I think I was upset or whatever and my boyfriend took a picture of me and Pepe. He didn't like it when we fought. He would be literally in between us not knowing what to do but just sit there, not taking sides. He would always just wait for us to make up and get along again.
I think this is a picture of Pepe at my old condo too. I think I was pretty depressed at that time and put a bear hat on him for some laughter. He was such a patient dog...
Speaking of patience.... my friend's 3 girls loved Pepe and would do crazy stuff with him. This is their stroller for their dolls and of course Pepe was in it.
Pepe enjoyed quietness and often sleep underneath the bed. I think this was his safe place. Long time ago, the house I lived got burglarized. When cops came, he was terrified. Ever since then, he would find a safe place for him to hide. My current bed doesn't have a place for him to sleep under, so instead I think he choose to hide in the bathroom a lot. It was cold and dark and maybe he felt safe for some reason.
I just want to pick him up and hold him. I miss carrying a dog in my arms and feel like I am forgetting what it felt like to have a dog. I need a dog in my life. I miss Pepe too much.
Lately I have been waking up in cold sweats, screaming. In my sleep, I have a dream of falling or losing something and I try to fight whatever it is that I am fighting and I remember one night I woke up screaming fxxk off...fxxk off... another day konoyaro---(same kind of meaning in Japanese) and another time was OMG...I don't know what's going on with me. Ever since Pepe has passed away, sometimes I feel like I am fighting with this feeling of fear, of losing something important to me. I know you can't prevent it. It will happen one day. I don't know what I can do to calm my mind. I really think I need a dog.