Ever since Pepe passed away, I didn't move any of his things in the house for a long time. His bed, his toys, everything. My clock pretty much stopped when he passed away and I didn't want to change. But I was stuck in some of the sad memory of Pepe too because those stains on the carpet reminded me of him throwing up and hardly able to stand on his feet because of pain. After seeing Anela, I felt like I needed to move on. Not that I was going to forget about him, I never will forget about Pepe and it will be impossible anyway. But I just needed to organize things so I wasn't stuck being sad. He doesn't want that for me. I think animals are genious when it comes to letting things go fast, not dwell on something and move on because they try so hard to live in "now", in the moment.
So I called up the carpet cleaning guy today and decided to clean up my room. I do feel a little empty now but it feels better. Because I feel like I am at the starting line now to start a new chapter of my life.
He loved sitting on the couch, or sometimes top of the couch where he can see everyone. This picture is like back in 2008 or 2009 when he woud always stay on the top of the couch to observe everyone in the house as if he was a guard.
He didn't do that with my last couch. He just loved sleeping on it and being stuck between me and my boyfriend. He loved the ottoman too ...it was basically his bed. So the cleaner guy said " Sorry we keep vaccuming but more hair come out, is that okay?" Yeah... lol I think that's Pepe telling us that he's not going to be completely gone just yet... I love having his hair everywhere still and it doesn't bother me one bit.
It has not even been a month yet since he passed away so it's still early stage for me and been really hard. I haven't felt like doing anything. But today it was a big accomplishment. Now it's lot cleaner but I still see Pepe's presence everywhere. When we hear fireworks go up on friday, we still look for Pepe to make sure he's not scared. When I am in a bathtub, I still see Pepe on the otherside staring at me. If I stare back, then he would usually come and kiss me in the tub. When we go out, we still feel like he's being sad being alone. We still want to leave the door open so he can go bathroom anytime. There are plenty of reminders of Pepe in this house.
Cleaning my place really was about getting rid of the negative side of what happened. I do miss him greatly though. This had to be done. And I believe Pepe was okay with that.