The love of my life, a dog named Pepe, passed away on January 12th. I have been suffering from a major pet loss and just been feeling really empty. So, my boyfriend suggested that I should write a blog as a part of my healing process. He said I don't have to publish it if I don't want to, but that I should write about how I have been feeling since he's been gone. I do love to write and it helps me. So I decided to start one today. I will probably share all about what Pepe was like during his living years, not just after he's gone to heaven, and probably about how he still continues to amaze me even after he's gone.
I am going to call this blog simply this, Pepe and Mama. This was actually a secret mantra between me and Pepe.
I met Pepe when he was 5 and 1/2 years old. He used to be my ex-husband's dog. We were just dating at that time, and he was going through divorce. His ex-wife at that time was taking care of Pepe but he wanted to get him out of there. So I ended up being his mom.
I never had a dog before, and to be quet honest, I was a little bit scared of dogs. When I was little, a dog in my parents neighborhood bit me a little. So I wasn't sure if I could live with a dog full time.
I still remember when Pepe came into my life. He was in my ex's car and barking like crazy. This was quite bizzare because Pepe was never a barker. This was the only time I heard him bark like a real dog.
I guess he was upset that he got separated from his ex-wife. I didn't know what to do. He behaved like an ordinary vicious chihuahua when I first saw him.
So I said to him, "I will do my best to take good care of you until the day you die, so please accept me as your mommy. I will try to be the best mommy in the world. I will do anything for you. So please stop barking. I promise to love you for the rest of my, and your life". He looked at me with his big old chihuahua eyes, and immediately stopped barking and sat down and crawled up on my thighs. He never barked after that.
Anyway, I was a new mommy so I thought I had to make him understand that I was his mom. I don't speak a dog lauguage. So I held him up at front of the mirror, and said "Pepe and Mama.....Pepe and Mama..." repeatedly. I got his paw to touch the mirror when I said "Pepe" so he would know it was bout him. He always had a smile when we did this routine and seemed like he enjoyed it, and really seemed like he understood it. Since he became my dog, I did this with him all the time. It was like a confirmation of our loving relationship.
After he passed away, I had his body back in my home for a day before dropping him off for cremation.
I did "Pepe and Mama" mantra with his dead furry body. I wonder if he knew, that we were doing it again.
So there you go, that's why I am going to call this blog, "Pepe and Mama". Because Pepe and Mama are forever together.
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